Well today I only cried twice. I have cried more in the last 16 months than in the prior 16 years. As I sit here lost in my own mind my work for today is done. The children have been fed, the dishes done. One in the living room playing mindcraft while the other is playing call of duty with his dad. All my lives have been used up on my mindless apps and now I have nothing to do but think. Which really is my worst possible option. That is where my depression comes from. Lost in the loneliness of myself. Going over and over again ways that I might change this outcome. Nothing pans out and I get emotional and sad. I am at the bottom trying my damndest to climb out. My problems are my own. I try not to burden others with how low my life has become. My best friend just had a baby so I don't want to lean on her she is stressed as it is. I want to be here for her if she needs me. See this is one of my problems. I am use to being the rock. Being strong, being there for everyone else. I keep hearing people say hold on. I can't hold on anymore I have been dangling for a thread for months.