Had a bad day again....

Today wasn't a good day.  After deciding and writing my first post I spent the day flooded with thoughts and emotions. I could have probably written a novel but figured that would be over kill. I fought off crying three or four times today and managed to cry for a few minutes but quickly pulled it together.
We weren't living a luxurious life in the military but our basic needs were met. We always had plenty of food and a couple extra bucks in the bank. We were able to take the kids to the movies or splurge on a fun weekend every once in a while. We were happy, we had friends, we were content with our lives and weren't lacking in much.
Today as I opened my fridge I began to tear up. I didn't settle on anything to eat until after noon and when I did it was a $1 protein bar. I don't have a fridge full off fresh fruit and vegetables like I use to. I have bare minimum. I can't always afford my protein for my smoothies. Most days I go without proper nutrition because I can't afford to eat healthy anymore, so mainly I don't eat. I do eat everyday just once maybe twice now. You see I am trying to make every dollar stretch and make this new life seemless for my kids. So I go without plenty so they don't notice the lack of funds.
It makes me sad and I barely workout now. I get working out and then I can't afford the fuel for my body which in turn depresses me. Every so often I am lucky enough to fill the fridge with plenty of veggies and in that moment I am happy. But it doesn't last long and before I know it I am cooking boxed meals for the family and cheap processed crap because that is what my budget allows for.
It's been 15 months and I just keep waiting for it to get better.
Today was extra lonely because I don't have anyone to talk to about my stress. My husband is just as stressed as I am so I try not to add to it.
It's HARD! I never thought it would be this hard. I am alone most days almost all day other than the time spent watching my kids play mindcraft. My husband works crazy hours and sleeps when he can. His schedule is never the same for more than a week or two. Plus he drills and has other commitments. So I sit with this burden. What did I do wrong? How can I fix this? My mind constantly is running. I fall asleep every night praying to God. I pray for direction.
Today just felt off. My husband and I weren't in sync and I let that get to me. He was searching for part time work when clearly he has no time to work this job he is looking for. I have looked for work, I have applied for jobs but being a military wife who raised the kids has kept

me home for the last 10 years. I can't have open hours because of his career and my kids. In a world where job hunting is now so impersonal I am the bottom of the barrel for candidates. It makes me feel like a failure. I feel like I am failing my family. When in reality I was trying to provide them with the support they all needed for the last 10 years.
It's not easy running a household and raising two children when your spouse is gone all the time, but I did it with ease compared to this life.
We moved here on the hopes of a job that my husband didn't even get and the faith that being by family would be enough support. Neither of those has deemed true. I long for my old life. I miss my military family who I could always count on to have my six. I miss my friends, the cookouts, even the craziness of the neighborhood because by gosh that was nothing compared to real life here. I am lost here in this foreign state.