I'm sitting here on my back porch having my morning coffee feeling trapped. My Littles are inside crashed out in the living room. Clearly they are trying to make the most of their summer break. I ever so grateful for them and would be even more lost without them. BUT in this moment as a parent I am failing them. They left everything they ever knew when their daddy got out of the marines. We have tried to make the transition easier on them, but it isn't. They exist in alabama. Their days are mainly spent playing with eachother or online playing some video game. They don't know if they will ever see their friends again. 16 months of loneliness is a long time for a kid. They haven't made new connections, we can't afford to support any after school activities. So it's just the kids and I most the time. We don't get to travel to the aquarium or go to the zoo. We can barely afford to eat right now. I just keep wondering when is enough enough already? Where is our break? We  keep adjusting fire but never hitting the target. Lord we need an answer please help us. I feel like we have spent the last 3 years waiting on the stars to align but instead we have been thrown down the mountain as we try to climb back up. Pat is miserable in his work and I am miserable in our home. They say when you want something you have to go out and take it. This is exactly what we have been trying to do. Whether it is simply applying for jobs in nc or the army reserves I'm hopes of an agr slot. We are trying and I just don't know what else we have left to give. We have always been able to fix the situation and now no matter how hard we try we can't. LORD have mercy on us show us your grace please.